I think it might have been generational, too. When I was a child, I got a LOT of stomach aches. I even briefly slipped into anorexia, because when I had these stomach aches, besides the pain, I would throw up a lot--not by choice --so I stopped eating (it was scary!)
Whenever I would ask to stay home, due to the stomach aches, my grandmother would tell me I was lying to get out of school or that I was lazy. This was ELEMENTARY school! I didn't know anything about "skipping school" at that age, and I didn't do that!
I don't think I ever got a diagnosis for the condition, and it cleared up by the time I went to junior high, on its own. (Could have been a precursor to whatever fucked up condition caused my fibromyalgia, maybe.)
Anyway, I agree with you. You know that I have been having severe sleeping problems. Well, the latest "remedy" my PCP has offered me is not a sleep study to see what's going on, not a new medication to try, but cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT.) Now, I know that a lot of people have had good results from CBT, but I have not. A therapist had me try it back in college for depression, and it was a waste of time. It feels like a cop-out to me, in my current situation. I just need to be able to get at least seven hours of sleep a night. I've been falling very short of that for at least a week now, and I'm in physical pain because of it.
It's like they think that any time you ask for a new medication, it's because you want drugs. No. I just want sleep. WE just want pain relief.
I'm so disgusted with our medical system and with how doctors are so afraid to offer us anything. I'm going to see my PCP on Tuesday, so I will be pushing back on the CBT.
I'm sorry that you also got that treatment at home when you were a child! And bless your daddy for coming to your aid!
In my family when's someone sick, we ask, "Are you feeling better?' and the only correct answer is yes. I so related to this and love the detail of Playhouse 90. Family is hard. And being open about the pain you're in should not be considered drama.
Both my parents are still alive and my relationship with them involves a lot of boundaries I have to put in place to protect myself, as well as a lot of grief and anger. Grief at what I never got from my relationship with them. Anger at how they're still engaging in those behaviors, only now with their grandchildren. Like I said, family is hard.
What strikes me about this aside from the medical system disbelieving pain (and especially women’s pain) is how much we were taught and socialized to be ashamed about crying. I get that your mother may have believed she was preparing you better for life with her tough love approach, but “crying...” (as I used to tell my former boss who’d always be ashamed that she cried in public or in a meeting) “...is just another form of expression.” We are so worried about everyone else’s discomfort with our tears, when crying is such a necessary release of emotion. And the consequences of repeatedly stopping or fighting back our tears can be devastating in the long term, a form of deferred maintenance, if you will. Poor communication skills, poor personal boundaries, interpersonal relationships that suffer, potential abuse. The list goes on and on.
“There’s no extra points for suffering.” is a phrase I'm writing in my journal and will quote you, Teri. Bearing witness to your pain, and sending you hugs.
Welcome, Teri. I was thinking, how important this is to share together with your other article. I hope you're managing to navigate through summer heat! xo
I think it might have been generational, too. When I was a child, I got a LOT of stomach aches. I even briefly slipped into anorexia, because when I had these stomach aches, besides the pain, I would throw up a lot--not by choice --so I stopped eating (it was scary!)
Whenever I would ask to stay home, due to the stomach aches, my grandmother would tell me I was lying to get out of school or that I was lazy. This was ELEMENTARY school! I didn't know anything about "skipping school" at that age, and I didn't do that!
I don't think I ever got a diagnosis for the condition, and it cleared up by the time I went to junior high, on its own. (Could have been a precursor to whatever fucked up condition caused my fibromyalgia, maybe.)
Anyway, I agree with you. You know that I have been having severe sleeping problems. Well, the latest "remedy" my PCP has offered me is not a sleep study to see what's going on, not a new medication to try, but cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT.) Now, I know that a lot of people have had good results from CBT, but I have not. A therapist had me try it back in college for depression, and it was a waste of time. It feels like a cop-out to me, in my current situation. I just need to be able to get at least seven hours of sleep a night. I've been falling very short of that for at least a week now, and I'm in physical pain because of it.
It's like they think that any time you ask for a new medication, it's because you want drugs. No. I just want sleep. WE just want pain relief.
I'm so disgusted with our medical system and with how doctors are so afraid to offer us anything. I'm going to see my PCP on Tuesday, so I will be pushing back on the CBT.
I'm sorry that you also got that treatment at home when you were a child! And bless your daddy for coming to your aid!
In my family when's someone sick, we ask, "Are you feeling better?' and the only correct answer is yes. I so related to this and love the detail of Playhouse 90. Family is hard. And being open about the pain you're in should not be considered drama.
Thanks for the restack, Robyn!
Family is hard. My parents both died in 2021—they were both 96. I never had a good relationship with my mother, for so many reasons.
Both my parents are still alive and my relationship with them involves a lot of boundaries I have to put in place to protect myself, as well as a lot of grief and anger. Grief at what I never got from my relationship with them. Anger at how they're still engaging in those behaviors, only now with their grandchildren. Like I said, family is hard.
Ugh, I am so sick of that expected answer (pun intended)
What strikes me about this aside from the medical system disbelieving pain (and especially women’s pain) is how much we were taught and socialized to be ashamed about crying. I get that your mother may have believed she was preparing you better for life with her tough love approach, but “crying...” (as I used to tell my former boss who’d always be ashamed that she cried in public or in a meeting) “...is just another form of expression.” We are so worried about everyone else’s discomfort with our tears, when crying is such a necessary release of emotion. And the consequences of repeatedly stopping or fighting back our tears can be devastating in the long term, a form of deferred maintenance, if you will. Poor communication skills, poor personal boundaries, interpersonal relationships that suffer, potential abuse. The list goes on and on.
“There’s no extra points for suffering.” is a phrase I'm writing in my journal and will quote you, Teri. Bearing witness to your pain, and sending you hugs.
Thanks, Victoria! I appreciate the restack. I find that many people need to hear “no extra points for suffering.”
Welcome, Teri. I was thinking, how important this is to share together with your other article. I hope you're managing to navigate through summer heat! xo